OK So heres what happened

So I have been obviously excited all day but this evening I overheard a conversation from our Rear D Commander that really tipped me over. Heres the conversation:

(warning: military lingo ahead)

Sgnt D: "Why are you guys sitting at Staff Duty? There is no one there. Why don't you guys just go home? We have to be at Wheeler at 0430 to set up for the welcome home ceremony?"

Soldier: "We were told to sit here in case the guys' flight gets in early."

And as soon as I heard that the tears started falling and I couldn't stop them. The idea of his flight getting here early just completely tipped me all the way over.

Heres why:

In the back of my mind I haven't believed that he is really coming over. For example, I didn't spend the day cleaning. My Camaro is a mess, my room is a mess, I have a pile of dirty laundry etc......

In fact, I spent the day studying for a test I have to take on Wednesday. I haven't made any crazy welcome home signs, I don't even know where my camera is.

So what I did was run upstairs and grab my favorite pillow from my bed and sobbed and sobbed in it. I absolutely couldn't stop crying. I haven't cried that hard since I drove away from the deployment ceremony after they loaded onto the busses and they started to drive away.

And now that I have stopped crying enough to type I would like to share why I was crying. It felt like all of the trials and tribulations of the deployment suddenly descended on me at one time. All of the scrambling and acting tough and figuring it out all by myself stuff. All of the nights spent alone in our bed and all of the times I wanted to point something out to him and tell him how my day was but he wasn't there kinda of stuff. All of the trips to the emergency room alone. The first day of school alone. The sitting at recitals alone. The Christmas morning with no one to snuggle with while the kids opened presents. All of that just hit me like a ton of bricks.

Everything that we have missed this year occurred to me all at once. The fact that his flight might get here early allowed me to feel all of these feelings that I have been holding inside of me for a whole year. All at once.

(Enter Journey Song here: "Highway run....under the midnight sun..." or "Lying beside you. Here in the dark....softly you whisper...you're so sincere.....)

The idea that Madison wont need to stay at a babysitters anymore, because her daddy can pick her up and he can get dinner ready and put her too bed.

All of that pressure just left me and all of the grief hit me simultaneously. And all I could do was sob with relief.

Also, the fact that he is on a plane that might get here early means that he is safe and that a late IED is not going to take out his convoy. Or a rouge sniper isnt going to shoot him or any other myriad of stupid superstitious things that go through a deployed spouse's mind,

He is safe. Our family is safe. And his flight might get here early!

I am going to hug my pillow and spend my last night alone!